Let’s just get right to it. I get all sorts of different responses when I tell my story. Most of them are kind, some of them are not. I have thick skin; they can judge. Many people feel bad, some angry and others sad. Abuse is an animal that triggers a range of emotions that affects everyone differently. My purpose is not to trigger your emotions, but to help you see the signs of abuse. You never know who is going to need your help someday.
For the sake of brevity, I’ll give you the major highlights. The details are for another day, another post.
I got pregnant at 17 and married at 18; baby #2 came along when I was 19, followed by baby #3 at 22 years old. I was the stereotypical blonde hair, blue eyed, cheer-leading (much less attractive than in the movies), rebellious teenage pregnancy story. All I wanted was to get out of my tiny little town and he provided a way to do it.
I should have known from the beginning that he was trouble. The signs were there. But I didn’t recognize them because I wear my heart on my sleeve and give people the benefit of the doubt (although I am not always the nicest person). He was my way out and I was blind to everything else.
He started getting physically abusive almost immediately after we were married (4 years into our relationship at this point). It started small at first; almost unnoticeable. He would verbally attack me over whatever I did to trigger his anger. Slowly isolated me from my friends and family. Then he advanced to shoving, pushing up against walls and doorways and hitting anywhere but my face.
He would restrain me (I don’t know if you’ve ever been restrained before, but it’s a scary and VERY frustrating thing when your entire body is telling you to run). Restraining lead to choke holds, which lead to wrestling me to the ground. Then he figured out that he could easily get me down to the ground and sit on my chest with his knees on my arms and hands around my neck. When he was feeling really angry, he would do this until I passed out.
After my second child he literally shoved me out of a moving F350 with my children in the backseat crying hysterically. I wish I could say that was the only time he’s pushed me from a moving vehicle. He blackmailed me, spent years gaslighting me, attempted to kidnap my children after getting out of jail and closing a joint bank account with over $65k. Thankfully he was arrested on his way out of town.
In 2011 I tricked him into leaving me; my previous 4 attempts to leave had backfired. I met the love of my life later that same year and together, we fought my ex-husband through a very long, very tumultuous divorce. We later got engaged and married. This is where the other two children come along; baby #4 when I was 29 and baby #5 rounded out the family when I was 32.
My husband, Isaac, is the man I begged for in my darkest days. The man I was convinced that I didn’t deserve. The man that helped me remember who I am and, that I am worthy of an amazing life on this beautiful planet.
If you’re out there reading this, thinking that my story sounds familiar… know that I’m doing this for you. You deserve better. Whatever your situation, if you’re not happy… you deserve better.