Starting Over. Day 1

I’m here because I want to share my journey. I’ve set out on a mission to heal wounds that are buried deep in my psyche so that I can be a better person for the people that I love. I’m sharing my story with you because I want to be the light you see when you’re in that dark place; wherever it may be. I want you to know that there will be a better tomorrow if you keep fighting to see another day. I’m with you. Sending you all the strength and courage you need to become the person you’re meant to be.

I had a realization the other day. The person that I am is not the person that I want to be. Nobody can change that but me. I’m not happy with who I’ve become. There are things that have happened in my life that have caused entire parts of me to close off from the people that I love the most. We’ve all experienced highs and lows in life; I’m not unique in that way. Life is hard. And I know you got the memo from your parents that it’s not fair either.

I have Complex PTSD, which is a form of post traumatic stress syndrome that is caused by extended periods of trauma. I have C-PTSD because I spent over 10 years of my life with a man who abused me in more ways than I can fully remember. I spent a decent amount of time being so angry. Mostly at myself for letting him do the things he did and at him for acting like the monster he had. There are things that he did to me that trigger feelings of shame and anger, even years later. My purpose for this journey is to heal those very things. To any naysayers, I say… watch me try.

So I guess I’ll tell you a little about me. I was born in 1984, today that makes me 35. I am married to the man of my dreams. Together we have 5, yes FIVE, children ranging in ages from 3 to 17; 3 boys and 2 girls. Our life is full of chaos with that many people in our home, but it’s also sooooo full of love.

I am an entrepreneur at heart. I started my first business when I was like 8 making cards for people. Babysitting, lawn care, tutoring, house sitting and who knows what else. After high school, with 2 babies, I opened a daycare. That was a lot of fun – for a few years. In college there were tutoring and black market essay writing businesses… sorry mom. And then there were the home party businesses. Those were a lot of fun; most days. Also a LOT of work with very little chance of success. Seriously. Those business models are setting people up to fail.

I could never figure out what I wanted to do with my life. There are so many opportunities, how do people decide this stuff??? All I knew was that I wanted to do something meaningful. When I was like 10 or 12, I remember sitting in a History class discussing the requirements to run for Presidency and the first thing that ran through my mind was “I’m going to be the first female President of the United States”. Haha it feels sheepish now looking back, but it was like instinct. “I’m going to change the world!” I told my parents, armed with nothing but hopes and dreams.